i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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