i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
