plz talk dirty to me
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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