i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
