You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
