I just saw a hot homeless man
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
