3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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