Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
