Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
