I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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