Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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