it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You don't make any sense
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