just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
