Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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