I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm getting married
To pizza
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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