I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
