My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
