Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You smell like stripper and shame
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Randomize
