addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Alive.
So much puke
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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