Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
