I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
