This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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