you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
