Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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