Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
