32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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