you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
