she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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