Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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