I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
