no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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