I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
