how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
