Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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