I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
