Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize