Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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