Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
