Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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