my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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