rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
i now understand why vodka
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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