i was rollin on her like bob the builder
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
