Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
