JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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