Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We got so high we made milksteak
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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