Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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