I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
