oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
