do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
