awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My liver just had a heart attack.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
