Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
