happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she looked like the before picture.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
