You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
