I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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