JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
