i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
