you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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