i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
