If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize