Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
