Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
