I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize