i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
